And a drama kid is a drama kid.

Or at least, this is the reason why I do drama. I do drama because I feel like it gives me worth.

After a long and rather perilous discussion with my English teacher, whom I respect a great deal, I've come to question some things. Why I do drama, for one, why I take it so seriously, for another, why I don't take myself seriously, and what the hell am I going to do about college? On top of that, there have been the recent ponderings as to why I don't feel passioned about anything, why I want to go to college, why I always feel so inferior, who I want to be, who I am, what am I doing at this period of my life, what can I do to make things better, and why do I worry so much.

Needless to say, a lot of small, menial things have been on my mind. I'm convinced though, that with the past and present happenings, they add up to some big picture that I just can't see yet. Be it some statement of my mental condition or my future in a snowglobe, I feel like these little things mean something. I just don't know what.

What's wrong?
I don't know.
And I'm glad that's a valid answer.

But why a book is a book is because it's got worth and it makes people happy, or at least interested. I want to be in drama because I like being busy. It makes me feel like I'm doing something. When I feel like I'm doing something, I feel important. When I feel important, I'm happy. It's kind of pathetic that I've got to feel important to be fucking happy, but it makes sense at the same time. Would I feel happy if I constantly felt worthless? If I criticized myself all the time and could add lazy bum and inconsiderate to my repertoire of things none too pleasant about my person? Of course not.

I already have enough things to account to my self-induced misery, ought I really add any more by being a lump of undigested Big League Chew? I think not. I think it's right that I need to feel important, in some sick, twisted, teenage sort of way.

Let me waste my life away.
Go ahead.
I've only got two more years of this teenage thing left anyway. Just let me waste it and let life hit me in the face like an ocean wave crashing on my skeleton.
Just let it.



(on the other hand, i just noticed the ad for the harujuku doll. o___o)